The Little Boy (left) and The Teenager (Right)

The hype about those sleepless nights for the initial 1-2 years of the child’s life. What’s that about?

I mean, which football fan does not have sleepless nights? Or those people hanging out at the Mamak Stalls (hawker centre) eating Roti Canai (Indian pancake) and drinking teh tarik (milk tea).  How about gamblers in Genting Highland who bet till the wee hours of the morning? Students who have to cram all those information into their brains before exams next week.

Their sufferings are never talked about.

What’s the hype about changing dirty diapers and washing dirty butts?

So your own butt is very clean before its washed? Nuff said.

What’s the hype about “Mother’s cooking is always the best?”

Come on, if it is that great, why does kids love to go for McDonald’s 24/7, 365 days a year? Right?  Just because they gorge up food when you cook black sauce chicken with potato, chicken chop, fish and chips, Tom Yum noodles, Chicken Rice, Baked Chicken, Pork Balls with Porridge, onions with dried chillies, Baked Leg of Lamb, homemade Popiah & Chee Cheong Fun, beef curry, chicken curry and fried rice means your cooking is da best. Just because no one really cooks it the way you do, means anything really. Have you gotten a certificate from the Culinary School? An award? Have ya? Do you have your own TV Channel in TLC like Nigella? No? Oh well.

What’s the hype about driving the kids to school, church, tuition, buying stationeries, to the movies, to hang out with their friends, etc?

The taxi and bus drivers do it all the time and you don’t see them making a fuss about it. In fact, company drivers sit in a car whole day long driving through traffic jam from one highway to another comfortably and contented. No fuss about that…

What’s the hype about having to discipline the kids?

Principals and school teachers all over the country in Malaysia are beating away and most of the time they are so quiet and lack the desire to be “glorified”. Unless, the kids themselves mention it then they will eventually receive some kind of “glory”.

The kids are unruly and out of control? Well, as long as they don’t turn out to be murderers and thieves, its OK. They will grow out of it eventually. Just look at Hitler. He is famous, is he not?  Chill it, Mom.

What’s the hype about doing the laundry?

The washing machine does the washing? So what if you have to load it up 40 times a day, clear of the shit before you put it into the machine and “discover” a few wet shirts and pants in a plastic leftover from the camping trip last month that has inedible mushroom growing on it?

What about folding the clothes? You train the kids to do it since 5 years old…  So, there is nothing to that. Even if you find the “popiah” (spring roll) folded better that your panties and shirts. So what? You were going to unfold  and wear it anyway. What is the fuss?

What is the hype about the annoying noises that the kids make?

You nag into their faces about feeding the dog, clean up the room, don’t hit their brothers, don’t talk with their mouth full, finish up the homework, don’t leave clothes on the floor, wash the dishes, pick up the crumbs, wash their hands, don’t forget to kiss you goodnight, you hug them so tightly that it was a health risk, pinch their chubby cheeks and blow bubbles into their stomach.

Those are not annoying?

All they do is put on the player till the whole neighborhood are able to dance to it (attitude of sharing), watch the television with stereo volume to vibrate Singapore and Indonesia Islands, whine when they don’t want to do chores, go on and on and on and on and on and on and on… (you get the idea) when they want to buy the latest Modern Warfare game,  brothers screaming at each other on top of their voices and that was done because YOU said that there is no physical violence allowed in the house! So? After all, according to child psychologist, suppressing emotions are really bad. It has to come out, somehow.

How about that Mothers willingly lay down her life for her child?

Where were you when the rat jumped from the cupboard? How about the time when there were about 10 cockroaches running in the hall? “Your face looked pale and you almost died,” was an understatement.

All the times you scolded him for being compulsive, gullible, foolish…

All he had to do is give you a bear hug, kiss you on your cheek twice, hug again, sit on your lap, kiss you again on the cheek and that did the job. You melt like wax…  Next thing you hear is that, “I want to buy this…. Mum. Can?” and Mum says, “Sure!”

Who is the compulsive, gullible and foolish one, huh?

What is the hype about stretch marks on your stomach that never goes away after pregnancy, the C-Section line that cannot be erased?

You never hear those ladies at the Biggest Loser whine about having stretch marks after loosing 50 pounds. In fact, they seem to be the happiest human to own it. Look at the bright side, when wrinkles do appear on your face, you will not feel that it is such a new thing. After all, you have had that ‘look’ on your stomach for years. You are way ahead Babe!

What’s the hype about spending quality time together with the kids?

What do you call getting stuck at traffic jams while ferrying the kids to and fro school, lecturing them on homework, unfinished chores, unbecoming behaviors and staring (staring requires all Mothers to pause and the Universe to standstill momentarily)  at them with disbelief when you caught them playing computer games and watch TV to wee hours of the morning during weekend (because weekdays computers and TV are off limits). Hey, those requires a lot of time from Mothers schedule. It should be slotted in the category of “spending quality time” with kids.

Just because you can do 10 things at the same time, live for years without having enough sleep, drive around town more zealously than the bus and taxi drivers, knows where to go to get the kids favorite stuff that might not even exist on Google Maps, whip up food with 3 ingredients (because you didn’t do your shopping that week) from the fridge, hug the smelliest boy in town (and thinks that its the best smell in the world), hug the little boy while he cries his eyes out because he was hurt and be pranked by your teenager over national radio, means you should be fussed over.

Is Motherhood over-rated?

Oh, but one thing is NOT over-rated is when the Little Boy wrote  a card during Mother’s Day that says …

“….. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most.”

Dust got into my eyes.

The Little Boy and I